wonder bread: a bread with enriched flour

Bread

You would think that Wonder bread would have a better picture for me to steal from their website, they probably do but I just kinda like that one because it is so terrible.

How much does bread cost?

Free! There are plenty of ways to get free bread. By being poor, it goes stale, people hand it out, you eat it. Maybe toast it first, put things on it. Bread can be very tasty! I love me some bread.

For those of us not in poverty, the cheap options are often in-store bakery loaves, baguettes, whatever our local store is selling. But those cheap white loafs that have gone in recent years from $1.00 to $2.00 (or more) do not have one thing that wonder bread has: actual nutrients beyond just regular flour.

Wonder bread can now be found at dollarama for $2 (570g) or tortillas (340g). Pair it with Kraft PB @ $2.50/jar for some budget sandwiches which you resent yourself for not packing water with.

Gods, some days I feel like such a bachelor.

FreeBudgetLuxury
If you know where to access a food bank and are in need, it’s an option!$2 is a good price to pay that is still achievable in 2021.Bakery bread can be sky’s the limit but $5-7 is probably reasonable.
all prices before tacks and spreads and other things that you put on the bread of your enemies before you have them lie in them. Sticky bread beds. Crumbs. Crumbs. Crumbs.
please do not put these in my food anymore. I don’t think there’s even supposed to be tax on bread. Photo by Ekrulila from Pexels

On the upper end, here on Vancouver Island we have some Portofino bakery stuff: peasant bread or garlic split pepper bread, like $5-7 a loaf now. Sometimes worth it, I mean, if you can spring for it.

I got a taste for this stuff when it used to show up free sometimes at the homeless shelter. It is probably my most common luxury purchase. Totally worth it.

Who am I kidding, it’s always the garlic.

There’s also something to be said about making your own bread. I don’t know what it is. (Um, freshness is nice? You’ll be safe from atax of all sorts? Although I am not sure why someone would put licorice candy in bread, if you wanted to do that you could do that too.)

I’m not about to go and figure out the cost benefit analysis of making one’s own bread either in a breadmaker or in an oven, (here we have an estimate of 16 cents an hour from the bchydro website) considering whether or not one pays for one’s electricity or it’s included in rent, (although at 16 cents a pop I think we can accept the cost) or if one even bothers calculating how much cooking something in the oven might cost. (We already established a guess of 16 cents.)

However, also worth considering: your cost of preparation. Personally, I hate getting raw dough, meat, blood, viscera, garbage, dirt, etc. on my hands, so I very rarely touch things when I use my hands, preferring instead to wear bread as gloves and then put it back in the kitchen where others might eat it, since ewww.

I fear I’ve gone and left the fragments of rational thought I had here and trailed off into the crazy place of the rest of my brain which resides in little gingerbed horses.

You know, it hasn’t really occurred to me until now that this kooky going too far off my rocker thing that I do, I’m often quite aware of it and choose to do it anyway in the hopes that someone will think, “ha, gingerbread houses, that doesn’t make a lick of sense, hoss! You must be crazy to talk like that!”

And then I can say “well yes, yes I am crazy, how nice of you to have noticed,” and then make a friend, because of course only other people with severe mental health problems would want to be friends with me and it takes one to know one.

Perhaps I could just not do that sort of thing, and be normal.

OR! I could continue being some amalgam of myself and who I think I should act like until maybe sometime I establish an identity that isn’t linked to a negative trait.

I should have ended with garlic bread. Which! For the record, make it yourself. Get butter or margarine, or even mayo – I try to buy at $4 for the 890mL or so jars, I don’t know what to pay for margarine these days but a pound of butter is also usually about $4 at a decent price.

Press some garlic, mix it up with the oil or whatever of choice, and KEEP IT IN THE FRIDGE, maybe cook it or something, uncooked garlic and oil have been known to lead to botulism, etc.

I’m sure there’s washing and cooking you can do for this, I mostly say fuck it. Fuck it with garlic. Just heat it all up together and then spoon it out bit by bit on whatever you want. Why not dedicate an entire half of your most recent butter/margarine/mayo to garlic? Change your life. Change your breath. Change you.

….crazy, yes. Crazy like Guy Fawkes!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.